Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
