I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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