Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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