some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When are your genitals available?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
