im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
