dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
