It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
