I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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