i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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