Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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