From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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