From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
