Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
