it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
