Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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