Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
