When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
