i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
