he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize