I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
