Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so let's talk penis.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How does it feel to date your dad?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
