smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
