due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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