Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize