So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
