my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
