In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
