I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize