im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i have herpe
just one?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
