a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
