nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize