Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
