I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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