I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
