I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
