That's intense
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
