I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
