Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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