Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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