I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
only you would photoshop your dick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize