I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
