The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize