a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
