Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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