Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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