The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
