A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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