I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
