Umm I'm too high to move.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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