Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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