whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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