In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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