So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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