I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
