We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
