i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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