DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
