Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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