just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
