My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
