you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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