Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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