He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize