Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize