i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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