glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
