I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
