Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
