were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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