I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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