what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
