addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
