I want to stick my p in your. b.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
