I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
tell me about the eggs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
