I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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